


I'm a Goner

by ParanoidPilots



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-12 12:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10490553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParanoidPilots/pseuds/ParanoidPilots
Summary: Tyler sat alone. He stayed silent, listening and focusing on his breathing, in, out. 'He' had been talking to him again...and he wasn't sure how much longer he could fight it.*((Please be sure to read through the tags and check the notes at the beginning of each chapter. This story contains very sensitive topics so please be careful!))*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *((Trigger Warnings!))*  
> \- Self harm
> 
> Please read at your own risk!

Tyler sat alone. He stayed silent, listening and focusing on his breathing; in, out. **_He_** had been talking to Tyler again, so he came here. **_He_** didn't seem to be quite as loud when he was in the cool tranquility of the woods. Tyler took in a breath through his nose and let it out through his mouth. He closed his eyes, listening to the still silence. Silence was a funny thing. Sometimes it could be the most peaceful thing in the world, and then other times it was horrifying; the ringing in his ears was too much to bear.

Tyler was startled from his thoughts as he felt another presence beside him. He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at this person—his best friend—who had bright blue hair and red gauges in his ears to contrast; the colors wildly clashing yet they were harmonious all the same.

He noticed his friend give him a worried look and Tyler realized he had been staring at him, deep in thought.

"S-sorry..." Tyler said quietly as he looked away. The blue-haired boy gave him a look of worry and concern.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly. Tyler remained silent in hesitation, contemplating whether or not he should say anything, but one look at his friends' worried gaze was enough and he couldn't help but let all his emotions spill.

"I-I heard him again Josh...B-Blurry..." Tyler's tongue tripped over his own words as tears began to drip down his cheeks. "He's out to get me Josh, h-he's out to get me. He said he wants me dead...he's going to win. I c-can't do it..."

Josh glanced down at Tyler's arms, and Tyler knew what that meant. He avoided Josh's gaze and reluctantly rolled up his sleeves, smearing small amounts of red on his hands as he did so. Josh's heart shattered as he looked down at his friends' bloodied wrists. Red, bleeding lines covering old scars that hadn't been opened for some time now. Josh reached out and took Tyler's hands, examining his arms. Tyler tensed and pulled his arms away from Josh, a look of guilt and shame clouding his eyes.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry Josh...I-I couldn't do it..." Tyler looked at the ground, avoiding Josh's eyes.

"Oh Tyler..." Josh wrapped his arms around the crying boy. "I know Tyler, I know. Its okay, it's alright..." he said, trying to calm Tyler down. "We'll figure this out..."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *((Trigger Warnings))*
> 
> -Suicidal thoughts  
> -Implied/referenced self harm
> 
> Please read at your own risk!

 Tyler sat in the corner of his room, trembling. The voice was back and he was all alone. He hugged his knees to his chest and held his hands over his ears in order to get some sort of relief and comfort but it was a lost cause. He stood up, hands still over ears, and made his way out of his house and into the forest as fast as he could.

The ground beneath his shoes changed from grass to dead leaves that crunched as he ran. The voice was louder now; it was saying several things at once, making it hard for Tyler to keep his focus. He ran faster, lungs and throat burning from breathing heavily. He yelped as his foot was caught on a tree root, and his body fell to the unforgiving forest floor. He fought to catch his breath since it had been knocked out of him on impact. He did not know what to do anymore. He let his body go limp and the tears slip down his face as the voice still swirled in his ears and head. Then a thought came to mind—

Josh.

He could not do this alone, but he knew he would have to bear it. He mentally cursed himself for days after the last time he had spilled his problems to Josh; he couldn't let himself do it again. It was bad enough that Josh had to put up with him as a friend, but he had to deal with his problems too. Tyler was a burden. Maybe he should just leave...

"Tyler!"

Tyler felt a set of hands pull him up off the ground and into a standing position, but he pulled away from the touch frantically only to fall to the ground again.

"Please don't hurt me! P-please! I'm s-s-sorry!" Tyler pleaded in sheer panic. He curled in on himself from his awkward position on the ground, covering his face with his hands.

"Tyler! Tyler, stop! It's me!"

Tyler, trembling, removed his hands from over his eyes, and his blurred vision finally settled on Josh. Josh felt relief settle in his chest as he saw recognition return to his friend's eyes.

"Tyler? What happened? You're a mess!" Tyler was quite a sight to Josh, with leaves stuck in his hair and mud smeared across his tear stained cheeks. Josh recognized the tired and haunted look in Tyler's eyes; he knew. 

"...Blurry?"

Tyler slowly nodded his head. His eyes widened as he felt Josh quickly pull up his sleeves and grab both his wrists. After examining them for a moment, Josh sighed in relief to see that there were no knew red lines littering his friends arms. 

This is what Blurry does. He comes, he stays, he destroys, he leaves, and repeats.

Josh pulled Tyler into a hug, and felt the fabric of his shirt that covered his shoulder become damp and he felt Tyler tremble in his embrace.

Tyler couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't burden his best friend anymore. He needed to listen to the voice. He needed to let Blurry win.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next part will be up soon.
> 
> Stay alive frens |-/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *((Trigger Warnings!))*
> 
> -Implied/Referenced self-harm  
> -Implied/Referenced Suicide  
> -Suicide
> 
> Please read at your own risk!

Tyler walked through the woods, trembling heavily, looking left to right expecting someone to be following him. His mind was hazy; his head was buzzing. He felt the weight of the entire world on his shoulders and he couldn't take it. The voices were to loud for him to hear his own thoughts anymore. His medicine was supposed to help with that, but  ** _he_**  told him not to take it, so he flushed it months ago. He had picked up his blade again since then and he was sick of it. He was just hurting everyone; hurting Josh.

He walked further and further and further. His arms and cheeks were covered in bloody cuts from him profusely scratching at them. He walked until the voices told him to stop. Every bit of himself that was left told him not to do this, but the voices were louder than he was, and they told him to do it; that it would be better this way. He climbed the tree and tied the knot.

•|-/•\\-|•

Josh ran faster than he ever had in his life when he found a crumpled note resting under a small rock at the edge of the woods. He ran, note clutched in his hand, lungs and throat burning from the cold, stagnant air.

He stopped dead, falling to his knees at the sight before him. His mind and heart went numb. The creaking of the rope was the only sound that echoed through the deathly silent trees.

Josh opened the tattered note, reading the scribbled words that it contained over and over again...

_'WHo IS BluRryFace and Why Does hE waNT ME DeAd?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this story dealt with some very dark and serious topics, so I wanted to say that the way that Tyler dealt with his issues in the story is not the answer. It is never the answer. However, in this case, Tyler (as a character) couldn't help it, which is one of the reasons I write. I try to add a little bit of awareness to these issues, and it also serves somewhat as a coping mechanism. Although, on another note, even though I have personal experience with them, I am in no way an "expert" on mental illnesses, and my knowledge of them is semi-limited at the moment, so I try to get the behaviors and descriptions as accurate as my knowledge allows...
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Stay Alive frens |-/

**Author's Note:**

> Next part will be added soon


End file.
